I don’t know what it was, maybe it was the transcript of Steve Jobs’ speech, maybe it was things that happened at work lately, but last Thursday and Friday I was really depressed about where I am now, in my professional life.
I thought it was because I hated my job, or that I am in the wrong vocation for my talents and abilities. I had the urge to just quit, sell everything I have, figure out what exactly it is that I should do, and then start over. Maybe I would go to Hallmark and do then do photography for a living, maybe I’ll just do more consulting. I’ve talked to Sherry, my parents, and some of my friends. Nothing really helped. I went to 43 Things, found out that I was definitely not alone in this. After much research I found 3 books that might help me. I picked up 2 of them at Barnes & Noble and began reading one yesterday.
I am not done with the it yet, as it is not just a book, there are exercises to go through, and often I have to go back and re-read parts from a previous chapter. I’d say I’ve finished about 1/5 of it. I feel better already! I think my frustration was due to the fact that I had no serious plans for the future. I believe that was the major problem, I had no plans on how to reach my ultimate goals (and what they really are). I had some vague ideas on what I thought would be fun to do eventually, like my own startup, or venture capital. But I did not plan on how to get there. I guess I was hoping that something really good would happen, like if my previous startup IPO’ed or if it had got a great deal at the acquisition, I could very well be able to not work for a few years and work on my own startup. Or go get my MBA. Same thing with stock options of my current company (and I am still keeping my fingers crossed). But I never planned on what to do if none of those things would happen. I picked up old and old hobbies and things hoping to find joy outside of work, but ultimately,
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
First I need to figure out something that I would definitely love doing, a job that sings, then I will plan on how to get there. Like if I find out VC is really what matches my skills, I will make plan to enroll in an MBA program. Or if I find out I really don’t like to follow authority, then I should really do something on my own, like to expand my consulting practice, or open up a coffee shop.
Bottom line is that I need to figure things out. I need to understand myself better, hopefully there is a something out there that suits me.